Dog Penis Soup
I was in Shanghai last week and thought I might try getting a suit made there, since I'd heard they were cheap. My Chinese colleague, Kenny, took two of us to a place where we could get this done. It's hard to describe - a large store with three floors of little booths, mostly dedicated to cheap clothes. A typical booth is about 12ft x 12ft with rolls of fabric on a table and a few sample garments hanging around the sides, with partitions to separate it from the next booth and open to the rest of the store at the front. We arrived late and only one booth was still open; we were quoted the price of RMB 400 (about $50) for a made to measure suit, ready in two days. We figured this would be a good experiment. If an occasion is serious enough to require a suit here's no way I'd ever wear a cheap one - you need to feel good in a suit - but I wanted a new black blazer and some trousers so I thoughts I'd just have them made as a suit. The store owner measured us in about five seconds flat - arm length, waist, leg, back and chest - and we paid about 50% as a deposit.
Two days later we returned, not expecting much. We had to try on the stuff behind a blanket, held up by a smiling chinese girl who made no attempt to pretend she wasn't hoping for a look at our Western manhood! My trousers were OK - a bit loose at the waist but serviceable. The jacket fitted well except that it was tight across the back (I'm not sure the typical client has a lot of muscle to account for). We asked how long to get it fixed: "one hour"! So we wandered around for a bit, buying cheap silk ties (RMB 10 each - just over a dollar) and eventually the jacket returned, very crumpled but now a perfect fit. How they managed to get it done in that time I will never know, especially bearing in mind that it wasn't done on site. But there we are - I was now the proud owner of a suit that I might never wear and had experienced first hand the benefits of buying at source. Time to celebrate! We decided to go for dinner and eat something different...
Kenny took us to a restaurant that served dog, which we ate along with other meats that we cooked on our table in a bowl of boiling water. This was a local restaurant - cheap and basic - which brewed its own beer on site. Jim tried the beer and confirmed that it tasted as though it had passed through the dog on its way to us. Dog isn't a very good meat - they serve it with the skin on and there's lots of fat and gristle, but no hair, so they presumably shave it first! One more thing caught Kenny's eye on the menu - he didn't even want to suggest it at first: Dog Penis Soup.
The world contains two types of people - those who, when confronted with Dog Penis Soup, will try it, and those who won't. Actually there's probably a third type - those who would have a hissy fit and storm out of the restaurant - but they don't count because they have no balls. I have eaten the dog penis and, let me tell you, there's a reason that fellatio isn't really a big thing in the dog world. It's rubbery and kind of tasteless. Thankfully it was chunks, and not a whole dick. I'm not sure even I could have pulled back the skin and eaten that. Apparently it's supposed to make you strong. You know, "strong". Down there.
The rest of the meal passed without further surprise and I returned to my hotel room alone, and never did discover if I would be "stronger" than usual. I suffered no ill effects from the soup, although I had to turn around three times before I got into bed, and I'm still resisting an urge to lick my own balls....
Copyright 2007 Edward Bison
Two days later we returned, not expecting much. We had to try on the stuff behind a blanket, held up by a smiling chinese girl who made no attempt to pretend she wasn't hoping for a look at our Western manhood! My trousers were OK - a bit loose at the waist but serviceable. The jacket fitted well except that it was tight across the back (I'm not sure the typical client has a lot of muscle to account for). We asked how long to get it fixed: "one hour"! So we wandered around for a bit, buying cheap silk ties (RMB 10 each - just over a dollar) and eventually the jacket returned, very crumpled but now a perfect fit. How they managed to get it done in that time I will never know, especially bearing in mind that it wasn't done on site. But there we are - I was now the proud owner of a suit that I might never wear and had experienced first hand the benefits of buying at source. Time to celebrate! We decided to go for dinner and eat something different...
Kenny took us to a restaurant that served dog, which we ate along with other meats that we cooked on our table in a bowl of boiling water. This was a local restaurant - cheap and basic - which brewed its own beer on site. Jim tried the beer and confirmed that it tasted as though it had passed through the dog on its way to us. Dog isn't a very good meat - they serve it with the skin on and there's lots of fat and gristle, but no hair, so they presumably shave it first! One more thing caught Kenny's eye on the menu - he didn't even want to suggest it at first: Dog Penis Soup.
The world contains two types of people - those who, when confronted with Dog Penis Soup, will try it, and those who won't. Actually there's probably a third type - those who would have a hissy fit and storm out of the restaurant - but they don't count because they have no balls. I have eaten the dog penis and, let me tell you, there's a reason that fellatio isn't really a big thing in the dog world. It's rubbery and kind of tasteless. Thankfully it was chunks, and not a whole dick. I'm not sure even I could have pulled back the skin and eaten that. Apparently it's supposed to make you strong. You know, "strong". Down there.
The rest of the meal passed without further surprise and I returned to my hotel room alone, and never did discover if I would be "stronger" than usual. I suffered no ill effects from the soup, although I had to turn around three times before I got into bed, and I'm still resisting an urge to lick my own balls....
Copyright 2007 Edward Bison
posted by Mr Bison at
5:13 PM
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