Age of Consent

A couple of things happened this week that got me thinking about the age at which people are considered old enough to drink and screw. First, Mrs. Bison was carded at the supermarket buying beer. Now you don't have the benefit of seeing said spouse while I write this but let's just say that, attractive as she may be, no-one without a serious eye defect should wonder if she's underage; this begs the question, "how fucking paranoid have we got that we're questioning people of that age buying beer?"

Secondly, there was a story on the radio tonight that I just about missed, concerning a seventeen year-old boy who had been fucking his attractive, twenty-seven year-old female teacher. The general consensus of the radio program staff was that this was every boy's dream, a sentiment with which I am bound to agree. There have been a few of these "underage boy shags older woman" cases recently, mostly, it seems, involving teachers, and the usual outcome is something approaching a slap on the wrist for the teacher (and high-fives all round for the kid). Every time it happens, though, I ask myself (or anyone else stupid enough to listen to me) what would have happened if the genders had been reversed?

Let's be honest here: if the teacher had been a twenty-seven year-old bloke shagging a seventeen year-old girl there would have been mass outcry, aggressive prosecution, sex offender status and, doubtless, confinement in a state prison for a period of years. This would have likely included forcible sodomy, given the prison status of nonces. So what the fuck happened to sexual equality then? Boys who get it with an older woman are considered lucky - the woman is merely accelerating their learning - whereas girls are victims who coudln't possibly make an informed choice, and the bloke is by definition a sex predator. Complete bollocks, if you ask me.

Remember that the age of consent in the UK is sixteen (or it was when I left - mind you I could own a gun when I left, and look what happened to that). In Sweden it's fifteen. Why is the US so hung up on this issue? Is it some legacy from the country's puritan past, or the influence of those arse-wipers that constitute the "moral majority" (when they're not too busy re-writing science books to say that we were all hand-made by their particular creator six thousand years ago, and forget all that stuff about fossils).

And what about alcohol? I cannot seriously believe that any government could consider a kid old enough to make an informed decision to sign up for the military and die for his country but not old enough to buy a beer. I know thousands of people have pointed this out already, but it's still ridiculous! It wouldn't be so bad if the result was less drunkenness among kids but it isn't. Kids always drink before they're legally old enough, and if the drinking age is eighteen this means they do it at home where parents can make sure they don't kill themselves, and where there are at least some restrictions. It's no good waiting until they're at college, with a credit card, peer pressure and no oversight. I had a mate whose mum wouldn't let him drink until he was eighteen and he promptly went of to college and pissed away all his money because he'd never learned to handle it. So we have no legal beer for kids but hundreds of the little fuckers dying in drink-related auto wrecks...

Anyway, anyone who thinks that boys shagging their teachers is a victimless crime should remember the kid who knocked up Mary Kay Letourneau, who was (and is) twenty-two years older than him. I'm not sure half the blokes that father kids have the maturity to be allowed to make the choice, but some dumb kid certainly doesn't, especially with a slag who'll be fifty when he's still twenty-eight!

When I was six I fancied my teacher, Miss Carter, but it never came to anything. It would never have worked out - she'd be using a walker soon. Just goes to show - kids are all stupid. You'd be safer giving them beer - at least you can sober them up afterwards.



Copyright 2007 Edward Bison