One Handed Reading
The internet has brought many wonderful benefits to mankind. You can order books and music from a vast catalogue withouut leaving your home. You can comparison shop cars and buy one without ever having to go to the dealership. And I've heard that you can, should you so choose, browse in an almost limitless selection of pornography. In the old days, as a teenager you only had magazines, and the economics of printing, promotion and distribution meant that the ones in your local store tended to be fairly mainstream in content. Sure, they ranged from the sophisticated and tasteful Penthouse to the "can you see my ovaries?" Hustler, with occasional forays into the exotic with "Asian Babes", but it was all variations on a theme of naked. Nowadays you can have fat chicks, young chicks, MILFS, anal, big boobs, shaven, hairy, spanking, and a whole lot more disturbing stuff that makes you wonder about the kind of people you share the planet with.
I suppose that stuff was always out there somewhere but it is all suddenly a mouse click away. That's good news for anyone with a computer who's looking to spend an evening in the company of Mrs. Palm and her five lovely daughters, but I can't help thinking we've lost a rite of passage for boys: getting hold of your first spank mag.
I still remember the first time I found a discarded magazine - I was with a friend and it was lying there on a hillside. Mayfair, with all the pictures gone. You might think that would take away all the fun, but trust me, I got plenty of learning from the stories and letters. I had no idea some of that stuff went on! I had to wait a little longer for the real deal - a girl at school brought in several copies of her dad's magazines that she'd found on the wardrobe. These were not your garden variety store-bought porn but something more exotic in small-format by mail order. I was struck by the complexity of the opposing team's equipment - did it come with a manual?
Buying porn, however, was a different matter. All British newsagent's shops had porn on the top shelf so availability wasn't the issue. Motive wasn't a problem either - the only males who don't like looking at naked women are either blind or gay. But walking into a high street shop in the middle of the day, pulling down a copy of "Big Jugs" and walking to the counter is an act of considerable bravery for an average teenage boy. This is the rite of passage that is denied boys of today: the moment when desire for naked pictures overcomes fear and shame, and coins are exchanged in public for glossily printed one-handed reading material.
Now I know all of you reading this have masturbated (don't worry, your secret's safe with me) but it's not something you disclose to anyone. (Unless you play the biscuit game, in which case you have much, much bigger problems.) So the whole porn industry is something that we pretend doesn't exist, and certainly don't admit to having participated in. ("Porn? No, I never bought it, but I know people who did. I was having full sexual intercourse from the age of ten so I never needed it. Etc. Etc.") Nevertheless, spare a thought for a whole generation of middle class boys growing up not knowing the thrill of acquiring that first magazine.
Now they just have to know how to keep the viruses off dad's computer. And always remember to delete history; he's going to look at you a bit different over the breakfast table once he discovers your fetish for 300lb latina women with double ended dildos...
Copyright 2007 Edward Bison
I suppose that stuff was always out there somewhere but it is all suddenly a mouse click away. That's good news for anyone with a computer who's looking to spend an evening in the company of Mrs. Palm and her five lovely daughters, but I can't help thinking we've lost a rite of passage for boys: getting hold of your first spank mag.
I still remember the first time I found a discarded magazine - I was with a friend and it was lying there on a hillside. Mayfair, with all the pictures gone. You might think that would take away all the fun, but trust me, I got plenty of learning from the stories and letters. I had no idea some of that stuff went on! I had to wait a little longer for the real deal - a girl at school brought in several copies of her dad's magazines that she'd found on the wardrobe. These were not your garden variety store-bought porn but something more exotic in small-format by mail order. I was struck by the complexity of the opposing team's equipment - did it come with a manual?
Buying porn, however, was a different matter. All British newsagent's shops had porn on the top shelf so availability wasn't the issue. Motive wasn't a problem either - the only males who don't like looking at naked women are either blind or gay. But walking into a high street shop in the middle of the day, pulling down a copy of "Big Jugs" and walking to the counter is an act of considerable bravery for an average teenage boy. This is the rite of passage that is denied boys of today: the moment when desire for naked pictures overcomes fear and shame, and coins are exchanged in public for glossily printed one-handed reading material.
Now I know all of you reading this have masturbated (don't worry, your secret's safe with me) but it's not something you disclose to anyone. (Unless you play the biscuit game, in which case you have much, much bigger problems.) So the whole porn industry is something that we pretend doesn't exist, and certainly don't admit to having participated in. ("Porn? No, I never bought it, but I know people who did. I was having full sexual intercourse from the age of ten so I never needed it. Etc. Etc.") Nevertheless, spare a thought for a whole generation of middle class boys growing up not knowing the thrill of acquiring that first magazine.
Now they just have to know how to keep the viruses off dad's computer. And always remember to delete history; he's going to look at you a bit different over the breakfast table once he discovers your fetish for 300lb latina women with double ended dildos...
Copyright 2007 Edward Bison
posted by Mr Bison at
7:46 PM
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