Completely Shaven?

Confession is good for the soul, or so they say, so I'm here to confess. It's nothing bad like killing a stranger for kicks, stealing underwear or watching The View. No, it's just a mild case of hypocrisy - it'll probably clear up on its own if I leave it for a couple of days.

I was waxing philosophical yesterday (if you'll forgive the pun) about the evils of male chest depilation, and how real men should have a bit of hair on them. One of my avid readers (I know there's at least two) pointed out that this should really apply to women too, and I was forced to confront the question: what would I think if I encountered a naked woman with hairy legs and armpits, a slight moustache and a giant mat of beaver thatch? Well obviously I'm going to run a mile, so that makes me a hypocrite. It's a fair cop!

Generally speaking men seem to like women to take care of all that excess hair, at least in the US. I know there are guys who like women hairy - there are websites specially for them, but then again there are websites for men who want to fuck chickens so the line beyond which normal people fear to tread gets a bit blurred. However I also get the distinct impression that even in the unlikely event that men did not give a flying fuck about the hair on women they would still shave and wax themselves senseless because that's what is considered "normal".

I'm not in a position to author the definitive study, but female pubic hair seems to me to fall into four distinct categories: Natural, Trimmed, Shaped and Gone. Now it's important to note that I'm married and therefore never think about female pubes, but if I did I would have to say that natural is fine, provided that it's not some giant minge-mane, down to the knees. Trimmed is good too - all the benefits of Natural but with less time spent trying to hack up a rogue pube after sex. And any man who says completely shaven doesn't appeal to him is either gay (you obviously get a pass for not liking shaven pussy if you don't like pussy at all) or in such serious denial that almost no help is available.

So far so good. But what's the attraction of Shaped vag fur? I'm talking specifically here about the small square of hair (landing strip) that can be left just North of the Grand Canyon. What the hell does it achieve? Is it there to reassure those people who think it would just be too weird to go all the way to bald? There may be some deep psychological issue associated with women shaving it all off, like it triggers in them hidden fears of regression. Or it may be more simple: if the guy gets disoriented while he's down there, the little hair square serves as a "this way up" sign, a reminder of which end of the Canyon he should be mining.

By the way, I've heard about guys getting their pubes waxed off so that the "tree" appears to stand a little taller (with no surrounding undergrowth). Let me assure you that no amount of undergrowth removal is going to fool anyone who actually takes a ride on your log flume, as it were. My advice: stick to waxing your car. I'm guessing it hurts less in the long run...

Copyright 2007 Edward Bison