Taste The Justice System
Did you see the Associated Press story about the eighth-grade school kid in Connecticut who was busted for buying forbidden items on school property? He was stripped of his title as class vice president, barred from attending an honors student dinner and suspended for a day after getting caught. Must have been something bad, right? Maybe a weapon of some sort, or drugs. Perhaps it was porn (that always brightens up the school day), beer or cigarettes? No? OK, it had to be gang-related merchandise, or comic books with rude words in. Well actually it was a bag of Skittles. Yes, the little colored candy got this kid in deep shit.
The school spokeswoman told the press that the New Haven school system banned candy sales in 2003 as part of a district-wide school wellness policy. Meanwhile school superintendent Reginald Mayo (surely he should be renamed Reginald Lowfatdressing in the name of school wellness?) said Wednesday that the principal was just trying to keep students safe, but that he would review the suspension decision. This begs the question “safe from what?” Last time I checked “death by Skittles” was not a major contributor to teenage mortality.
Has it really come to this? Kids being hauled up on charges for having some candy? “I’m sorry Mrs.Smith – it seems your son was caught in possession of two Snickers bars. If it had been three the charges would have been increased to possession with intent to distribute and he’d have been expelled.” What the fuck are these people smoking? Clearly not a substance permitted on school property. You might expect the school to be more focused on drugs (which are apparently everywhere in the US public school system), guns, knives, fighting, bullying, stealing and maybe even teaching. I’m quite happy for the schools to take away those vending machines that deal candy and soda to kids at inflated prices to make extra money for the school district, but telling parents what their kids’ dietary choices should be is just bollocks.
It reminds me of that school in the UK which banned all unhealthy food from the cafeteria. Parents responded by buying sandwiches, burgers and fries for them and passing them through the fence. Yes, I know that lots of kids are ignorant, slothful, fat bastards who will drag down the health system with their self-inflicted diabetes, but do you really think they’re going to change their ways because they can’t eat a candy bar at school? It’s all down to the parents. And anyway, how hard do you think it would be to smuggle candy in? It’s not like it shows up on metal detectors. Since it was just announced that one in four American teenage girls has a sexually transmitted disease you might imagine that there would be more pressing social issues facing schools. (Perhaps the issues are related -
maybe they’re sticking a candy bar in their twat each morning and letting someone eat it out.)
When I think back to my own schooldays, where kids made lethal throwing stars in metalwork, a girl in my class brought her dad’s explicit Color Climax porn magazines in to show us, fights were arranged with neighboring schools where kids went tooled up with weapons, and someone burned down the school, I would suggest that New Haven focus a little less on the candy thing. Unless it’s Hersheys, of course. That stuff tastes like shit – if I caught a kid eating that I’d suspend them too, purely on the grounds of taste.
Copyright © 2008 Edward Bison
The school spokeswoman told the press that the New Haven school system banned candy sales in 2003 as part of a district-wide school wellness policy. Meanwhile school superintendent Reginald Mayo (surely he should be renamed Reginald Lowfatdressing in the name of school wellness?) said Wednesday that the principal was just trying to keep students safe, but that he would review the suspension decision. This begs the question “safe from what?” Last time I checked “death by Skittles” was not a major contributor to teenage mortality.
Has it really come to this? Kids being hauled up on charges for having some candy? “I’m sorry Mrs.Smith – it seems your son was caught in possession of two Snickers bars. If it had been three the charges would have been increased to possession with intent to distribute and he’d have been expelled.” What the fuck are these people smoking? Clearly not a substance permitted on school property. You might expect the school to be more focused on drugs (which are apparently everywhere in the US public school system), guns, knives, fighting, bullying, stealing and maybe even teaching. I’m quite happy for the schools to take away those vending machines that deal candy and soda to kids at inflated prices to make extra money for the school district, but telling parents what their kids’ dietary choices should be is just bollocks.
It reminds me of that school in the UK which banned all unhealthy food from the cafeteria. Parents responded by buying sandwiches, burgers and fries for them and passing them through the fence. Yes, I know that lots of kids are ignorant, slothful, fat bastards who will drag down the health system with their self-inflicted diabetes, but do you really think they’re going to change their ways because they can’t eat a candy bar at school? It’s all down to the parents. And anyway, how hard do you think it would be to smuggle candy in? It’s not like it shows up on metal detectors. Since it was just announced that one in four American teenage girls has a sexually transmitted disease you might imagine that there would be more pressing social issues facing schools. (Perhaps the issues are related -
maybe they’re sticking a candy bar in their twat each morning and letting someone eat it out.)
When I think back to my own schooldays, where kids made lethal throwing stars in metalwork, a girl in my class brought her dad’s explicit Color Climax porn magazines in to show us, fights were arranged with neighboring schools where kids went tooled up with weapons, and someone burned down the school, I would suggest that New Haven focus a little less on the candy thing. Unless it’s Hersheys, of course. That stuff tastes like shit – if I caught a kid eating that I’d suspend them too, purely on the grounds of taste.
Copyright © 2008 Edward Bison
posted by Mr Bison at
1:03 AM
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