Bad To The Bone

Many thanks to Rima Fauzi for informing me that Mr Bison's Journal scores "NC-17" on the "blog naughtiness" rating scale at this site that she found. Apparently I earned this rating by virtue of the bad words I used, which include:

13 fuckings
7 deaths
5 fucks
4 cunts
3 dicks
2 craps
1 anal

and a partridge in a pear tree. Or something like that. Of course my rating did raise a few questions. Firstly, did I score the top ranking possible? I mean, I'd be disappointed if I effectively got a rating of "not offensive enough - must try harder". I tested this by checking out the ratings of a couple of porn sites that I've never been to but heard about once from a man I never met before in a pub that I can't remember the name of. In spite of having lots of words that I'd apparently overlooked, such as sexy, sluts, cum, cock and porn, they also only scored NC-17. (Of course I haven't overlooked those words now - I assume I'll be credited for them when I publish this post.)

I also checked out my old sparring partner, Jaggy, just to see how he scored. Suffice it to say that he had three shits and a pussy that I'd also not got on my list. Until now.

Next question: am I not getting credit for my wide variety of British vulgarity? What about my wanker, bollocks, bloody and bugger? How about cockmuncher and arsehole? And since when did death become a bad word? Fuck's sake! Don't stop breathing or you might die and go to hell - that's two more words that'll get you in trouble. Much better to pass away and go to a better place. Just don't bequeath your money to your pussy cat or your best friend, Dick.

Of course the true test of offensiveness is not the words you use but the ideas you convey with them. By this test I'd be "dodgy" if I said "crap" but quite OK if I suggested that you amuse yourself by rubbing a horse's dangly parts until it drenches your face with its love glue (or something similarly disturbing) since there's not one rude word involved. Personally, I think that scores more than three shits two craps and an anal put together.

I know this is only a "toy" and not designed to really weed out "adult" themed websites. I mean, you can do a lot to offend people with words but nothing quite says "NC-17" like a picture of a fully grown man shagging a goat, and it's worth noting that animalsexlovers.com scores a General Audience rating. Even so, I'm proud to be flying the flag for our rich and descriptive language. And if you don't like it you can gosh darn well go to heck, don't you know. There, I said it.


Copyright © 2008 Edward Bison