Olympic Wood
The Olympics will soon be upon us and we can all look forward to perpetual, repetitive televised coverage of all sorts of sports, quasi-sports and "not sports at all". I won't digress on the stupidity of some of these (synchronised swimming anyone?) but in the case of most sports, where greater strength and endurance are a distinct advantage, there will of course be cases of doping. The whole Bulgarian weightlifting team has already been withdrawn after eleven of them tested positive for steroids. (Steroid-enhanced weightlifters? Who would have believed it?)
In the continuing battle to find a chemical edge, athletes now have a new weapon - Viagra. Yes, sildenafil may enhance althletic performance by expanding blood vessels and allowing more blood to reach the heart; this would be beneficial in sports where endurance and speed are key. One study has already shown significant performance improvements in cyclists, for instance.
Hang on a minute, did someone say cyclists? Those blokes in skin-tight lycra shorts? Oh that's going to be a good look for the TV cameras isn't it? A bunch men on bikes with erections poking up as they pedal furiously around in a circle. I want to see the commentators handle that. And what about the swimmers, for fucks sake? I can just see them stepping up onto the jumping-off thing in their tiny little Speedos with their dicks all popping out the top.
"Yes and Ian Thorpe, definitely the favorite at this distance, now stepping up. Oh my! Well he certainly looks ready to go doesn't he?"
It's certainly not going to help the high jumpers or pole-vaulters. "Oh and he so nearly cleared it. It would have been a new Olympic record but his, erm, well, some part of him just caught the bar as he went over."
And never mind about the events themselves, what about the medal ceremony? I can just see three blokes on the podium as the anthem plays and the man with the medals approaches to present them. They could have his eye out if they're not careful. Maybe he should just hang the medals on their johnsons.
At the moment sildenafil is not on the banned substance list. On the plus side, if they do decide to outlaw Viagra in athletics detection shouldn't be a problem, at least with the men. Or with female weightlifters. They'll just check for erections after the event. I can imagine the attempts to foil the testers. Coaches will have all their track athletes rub one out before running to try and avoid getting wood and getting caught. But I've seen the commercials - the effects of this stuff don't wear off that quickly do they? "In case of an erection lasting more than four hours you should probably try entering the decathlon."
I was also interested to see that Viagra has been used to prevent jet lag. With all my international travel, and needing to hit the ground ready to do business, I would be a prime candidate for this. But can you really imagine taking seriously a man giving a presentation with a boner sticking out? Can you imagine being that man? Just don't stand in front of the projector and throw shadow puppets on the screen with your penis. Nothing good can come of it...
Copyright © 2008 Edward Bison
In the continuing battle to find a chemical edge, athletes now have a new weapon - Viagra. Yes, sildenafil may enhance althletic performance by expanding blood vessels and allowing more blood to reach the heart; this would be beneficial in sports where endurance and speed are key. One study has already shown significant performance improvements in cyclists, for instance.
Hang on a minute, did someone say cyclists? Those blokes in skin-tight lycra shorts? Oh that's going to be a good look for the TV cameras isn't it? A bunch men on bikes with erections poking up as they pedal furiously around in a circle. I want to see the commentators handle that. And what about the swimmers, for fucks sake? I can just see them stepping up onto the jumping-off thing in their tiny little Speedos with their dicks all popping out the top.
"Yes and Ian Thorpe, definitely the favorite at this distance, now stepping up. Oh my! Well he certainly looks ready to go doesn't he?"
It's certainly not going to help the high jumpers or pole-vaulters. "Oh and he so nearly cleared it. It would have been a new Olympic record but his, erm, well, some part of him just caught the bar as he went over."
And never mind about the events themselves, what about the medal ceremony? I can just see three blokes on the podium as the anthem plays and the man with the medals approaches to present them. They could have his eye out if they're not careful. Maybe he should just hang the medals on their johnsons.
At the moment sildenafil is not on the banned substance list. On the plus side, if they do decide to outlaw Viagra in athletics detection shouldn't be a problem, at least with the men. Or with female weightlifters. They'll just check for erections after the event. I can imagine the attempts to foil the testers. Coaches will have all their track athletes rub one out before running to try and avoid getting wood and getting caught. But I've seen the commercials - the effects of this stuff don't wear off that quickly do they? "In case of an erection lasting more than four hours you should probably try entering the decathlon."
I was also interested to see that Viagra has been used to prevent jet lag. With all my international travel, and needing to hit the ground ready to do business, I would be a prime candidate for this. But can you really imagine taking seriously a man giving a presentation with a boner sticking out? Can you imagine being that man? Just don't stand in front of the projector and throw shadow puppets on the screen with your penis. Nothing good can come of it...
Copyright © 2008 Edward Bison
posted by Mr Bison at
5:59 PM
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