Entertaining

I recently hired a business director, and since he was in St.Louis with his wife on Friday, house hunting, I thought it would be hospitable if I invited them over for a drink. He'd already made dinner plans for the evening so I didn't have to prevail upon Mrs Bison to cook something. This was probably a good thing: Mrs Bison works pretty much full time, and the things she cooks for us fall more into the "hearty home cooking" category than the "poncy showing off to guests" one. This means that anything wanky we choose to offer is very likely never to have been cooked by us before, and therefore to be something of an experiment. Some of these experiments don't end well - things can look great in a cookery book but end up resembling afterbirth on a plate. However the things that we usually eat can be a little exotic for the Midwestern American palate, by which even onions can be regarded as "over-spicy food of the devil". All in all it's better if people don't come for dinner.

So we got prepared with a range of soda (coke, diet pepsi, root beer) and some beer, as well as chips and little smoked salmon and cream cheese things on crackers, which were great, except that the crackers kept breaking every time Mrs Bison tried to spread the allegedly spreadable cream cheese on them, causing many bad words to be stifled.

The guests arrived; he asked for beer, so Mrs Bison got a bottle from the fridge. We had a very pleasant conversation - he finished the beer but declined a second one. I stuck with soda as I was playing soccer later that night. After a while they left for dinner and I went off to play soccer. (Two great goals but we still lost. Bollocks.) It wasn't until the next morning that Mrs Bison noticed a bottle of root beer missing from the fridge. And a full complement of proper beer still intact. She'd given our guest a root beer without noticing, and he'd not said anything.

Of course I had to e-mail him and call him out as a pussy for not telling the boss's wife that she'd given him the wrong drink. Some people are just too polite. Or maybe he thought we were teetotal weird bastards who didn't believe in alcohol.

Some people are natural entertainers, and others are not. We're in the "not" group. We haven't actually poisoned anyone yet, but we did serve samosas to this Indian bloke and they were still frozen in the middle. It didn't really matter though, because he was a cunt. Poisoning him would actually have been a bonus.

From now on I think we're going to start fucking with guests for fun. If they're too polite and/or scared to say anything we should try adding things to the food, just to see what they'll choke down. How about half a mouse in the dip, or a large centipede on the lettuce? It would take more than a couple of root beers to wash that down...


Copyright © 2008 Edward Bison