Walk Or Ride?
I've spent a fair amount of the last week meeting people for lunch or dinner, all in the noble cause of "networking". The venue has varied, according to where the other party is driving from and what we feel like eating, but it's amazingly easy to eat a lot of crap in a week. Sure, I tend to go for sushi a fair bit, and I'd happily eat it every day, but there are a couple of problems. Firstly, there are some people who can't get their minds around raw fish or, indeed, anything that doesn't come with fries. And secondly, sushi comes in unsatisfyingly small portions or, if eaten in decent quantity, is ruinously expensive.
It's easy to see how people can pile on the pounds eating out. There are some very nice restaurants around, but if you want "convenient and reasonably priced" in this area then you end up with a lot of chain restaurants, where the emphasis is on heavy, carb-and-fat dishes, bread, fries, glutinous salad dressings, pizza, pasta and batter. You could blame the restaurants for offering all this shit, but they're not stupid - they sell what people want to buy. At the end of the day, unless you're getting your meals through a tube, you're directly responsible for what you put in your stomach.
Look, I've got nothing against fat people per se ("some of my best friends are fat") but there are degrees of lardiness. Most of us are technically overweight, and are none the worse for it; obsessive food nazis and nutrition weenies can fuck right off - if you want a piece of cake you should have it. But there has to come a point where you figure that you crossed the line. Different people might draw the line in different places - for some of us it might be a pant size, or being able to run after your kids without a sharp pain in your chest, a bright light and the voices of dead relatives in your ears, but regardless of this I'd hope that we could all agree that once you can no longer walk, you should step away from the buffet line and sort your fucking life out.
So why is it that WalMart is so infested with obese fuckers on mobility scooters? Surely the last people who should be riding around on their arses are those fat wankers who can't walk anymore. This is nature's way of telling you that you should eat less and GET SOME FUCKING EXERCISE. Rather than pander to their self-inflicted flabbiness and lazy self-indulgence, perhaps we'd be better off if society expected them to get off their fucking backside and walk to the cheesecake aisle.
Don't give me any of that whiny crap about glands, or heredity, or "I tried dieting". I don't want to hear about how it's not their fault - of course it is. At some point on the path between eight pound baby and six hundred pound bloated lardarse, surely you considered cutting back on the donuts, or maybe going for the occasional walk? No-one did this to you; you were free to slow down at any point. You CANNOT get to be that big without MASSIVE overeating.
But no, society doesn't just fail to criticize, it has become a blatant enabler of this gross over-consumption. Not only do we accept that fat bastards can now ride through a supermarket, we also classify obesity as a disability, and employment legislation can be used to force companies to buy scooters just so their fatarse employees can ride around instead of doing their job properly. If you want to know why America keeps getting lardier, how about the fact that enabling lardiness has become government policy; I'm only surprised that the stimulus package doesn't have a special donut credit for anyone over three hundred pounds.
Maybe it would help if fast-food chains were forced to use someone other than skinny teenagers in their commercials. How about the next time Pizza Hut advertises its foot-long, one pound, pizza dough, cheese and meat P'Zone, the person chowing down on it is a four hundred pound balding man with an oxygen tank to assist with his breathing? Or the woman buying the P'Zone rides away from the counter on her mobility scooter? Yeah right.
Copyright © 2009 Edward Bison
It's easy to see how people can pile on the pounds eating out. There are some very nice restaurants around, but if you want "convenient and reasonably priced" in this area then you end up with a lot of chain restaurants, where the emphasis is on heavy, carb-and-fat dishes, bread, fries, glutinous salad dressings, pizza, pasta and batter. You could blame the restaurants for offering all this shit, but they're not stupid - they sell what people want to buy. At the end of the day, unless you're getting your meals through a tube, you're directly responsible for what you put in your stomach.
Look, I've got nothing against fat people per se ("some of my best friends are fat") but there are degrees of lardiness. Most of us are technically overweight, and are none the worse for it; obsessive food nazis and nutrition weenies can fuck right off - if you want a piece of cake you should have it. But there has to come a point where you figure that you crossed the line. Different people might draw the line in different places - for some of us it might be a pant size, or being able to run after your kids without a sharp pain in your chest, a bright light and the voices of dead relatives in your ears, but regardless of this I'd hope that we could all agree that once you can no longer walk, you should step away from the buffet line and sort your fucking life out.
So why is it that WalMart is so infested with obese fuckers on mobility scooters? Surely the last people who should be riding around on their arses are those fat wankers who can't walk anymore. This is nature's way of telling you that you should eat less and GET SOME FUCKING EXERCISE. Rather than pander to their self-inflicted flabbiness and lazy self-indulgence, perhaps we'd be better off if society expected them to get off their fucking backside and walk to the cheesecake aisle.
Don't give me any of that whiny crap about glands, or heredity, or "I tried dieting". I don't want to hear about how it's not their fault - of course it is. At some point on the path between eight pound baby and six hundred pound bloated lardarse, surely you considered cutting back on the donuts, or maybe going for the occasional walk? No-one did this to you; you were free to slow down at any point. You CANNOT get to be that big without MASSIVE overeating.
But no, society doesn't just fail to criticize, it has become a blatant enabler of this gross over-consumption. Not only do we accept that fat bastards can now ride through a supermarket, we also classify obesity as a disability, and employment legislation can be used to force companies to buy scooters just so their fatarse employees can ride around instead of doing their job properly. If you want to know why America keeps getting lardier, how about the fact that enabling lardiness has become government policy; I'm only surprised that the stimulus package doesn't have a special donut credit for anyone over three hundred pounds.
Maybe it would help if fast-food chains were forced to use someone other than skinny teenagers in their commercials. How about the next time Pizza Hut advertises its foot-long, one pound, pizza dough, cheese and meat P'Zone, the person chowing down on it is a four hundred pound balding man with an oxygen tank to assist with his breathing? Or the woman buying the P'Zone rides away from the counter on her mobility scooter? Yeah right.
Copyright © 2009 Edward Bison
posted by Mr Bison at
2:38 PM
1 Comments:
If you get laid up in New York City and are over about 400lbs, you're too much of a fat-ass to fit into the MRI machine.
You know what the hospital does then? They ship you to the fucking zoo, where there is a veterinary MRI.
I think that is the point where I would begin to say I'm too fat: "Hi Mr. Smith, we are booked right now, but I can squeeze you in at 3:30 between the elephant and the hippo..."
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