What is it with teenage girls that causes their brains to become completely disengaged from their mouths? You listen to a group of them talking and it's like the sound of an engine revving when the car's not in gear - noisy but pointless. I was out for lunch the other day - I was going to try Cheeburger Cheeburger because the name suggested that it sold burgers and it would be somewhere I hadn't eaten before. However, on entering the premises and seeing a cluster of crappy, tightly packed tables, filled with mommies and noisy kids, we turned and got the fuck out of there. I think I'd rather stick pins in my balls than eat at a place like that.
Anyway, we went for a pizza instead, and at the table behind us was a group of said teenage girls. I'm not sure what age they were - it's hard to tell since a lot of corn-fed midwestern girls look pretty much the same from the ages of fourteen to nineteen - but they weren't in school so I suppose they could have been college age. But to listen to their conversation (and believe me, we didn't have a choice) you'd assume they were about twelve, with a mental age of, maybe, seven. Every other word was "like". "You know, like, when you, like, listen to them talk, and, like, I mean you won't believe what he said to me and I said, like, anyway and she said...."
If they were at college it was apparently to get a degree in basket weaving or something similar. I had always assumed that this dumbness was a temporary affliction, perhaps brought on by a surge in hormones, but now I fear it's permanent. Before long they'll be yapping about booster seats and pre-schools at Bunco evenings. As a father I can only hope that the affliction is hereditary and not contagious.
Copyright 2007 Edward Bison
