Sick Flags

It must be Spring - in spite of the incessant, pissing rain and the relentless cold I just saw my first TV commercial for Six Flags. (For any Brits out there this is like Alton Towers, only much more shit.) Yes, it's time for all the slack-jawed, flat-footed, low-browed, pot-bellied, toothless WalMart shoppers who apparently make up the majority of their clientele to reach into their welfare check for another round of season passes.

I've tried to see the upside of the local St.Louis Six Flags but fuck me it's a depressing place. The endless queues, utterly shit food and ugly motherfucker crowds just don't do anything for me. "Let's go in the wave pool and stand in a square foot of water, surrounded by about a thousand fat bastards and their kids, who haven't showered in a week, half of whom are probably pissing in the water at this moment. Yeah!"

Last time I was there (and it will be the last time) I nearly had to kill some social retards who tried to cut in line, while all the other retards were going to just let them. I think that's the most depressing part of Six Flags - coming face to face with the dregs of society at play. Line up everyone!