Crap No-one Needs, #15
Twitter
In the beginning was the Blog, and man looked on the Blog and thought "I bet everyone wants to know what I did today" and he saw that it was good. And lo! the multitudes did sign up for Blogger accounts and did fill manifold servers with their inane writings. But in time the masses did rend their clothes and wail unto the heavens, saying "I know not what to write today, I've run out of ideas!" and they did resort to posting photographs and YouTube videos in their shame.
Yet in the midst of their trial, deliverance was at hand. Twitter came from on high, promising that you needed less than 140 characters for a post, and suddenly the air was filled with utterly pointless drivel from people clearly laboring under the misapprehension that the world gave a flying fuck where they were about to eat lunch. And many worthless wankers with too much time on their hands were released from the drudgery of having to write actual paragraphs, and could now post a hundred times a day, and still say nothing.
Seriously, I don't care if your Twitter buddies are all your best mates and really care what you're doing in a way that strangers never could, it still doesn't excuse the kind of fucking crap I read this morning:
"I slept late today but now I need coffee and breakfast."
Really? Wow! Glad I didn't miss out on those pearls of wisdom. Just imagine if I'd had to live my whole life without knowing that. Are you going to take a big dump later as well? Maybe you can let us all in on the secret of how many sheets you used when wiping, or what color the wallpaper in your bog is?
One day, when the Emperor's New Clothes effect has subsided a little, people will look back at Twitter and wonder just what the fuck they were thinking...
In the beginning was the Blog, and man looked on the Blog and thought "I bet everyone wants to know what I did today" and he saw that it was good. And lo! the multitudes did sign up for Blogger accounts and did fill manifold servers with their inane writings. But in time the masses did rend their clothes and wail unto the heavens, saying "I know not what to write today, I've run out of ideas!" and they did resort to posting photographs and YouTube videos in their shame.
Yet in the midst of their trial, deliverance was at hand. Twitter came from on high, promising that you needed less than 140 characters for a post, and suddenly the air was filled with utterly pointless drivel from people clearly laboring under the misapprehension that the world gave a flying fuck where they were about to eat lunch. And many worthless wankers with too much time on their hands were released from the drudgery of having to write actual paragraphs, and could now post a hundred times a day, and still say nothing.
Seriously, I don't care if your Twitter buddies are all your best mates and really care what you're doing in a way that strangers never could, it still doesn't excuse the kind of fucking crap I read this morning:
"I slept late today but now I need coffee and breakfast."
Really? Wow! Glad I didn't miss out on those pearls of wisdom. Just imagine if I'd had to live my whole life without knowing that. Are you going to take a big dump later as well? Maybe you can let us all in on the secret of how many sheets you used when wiping, or what color the wallpaper in your bog is?
One day, when the Emperor's New Clothes effect has subsided a little, people will look back at Twitter and wonder just what the fuck they were thinking...
posted by Mr Bison at
7:58 AM
4 Comments:
NO SHIT! Twitter is gayer than Clay Aiken with a picnic basket full of Brie. Not that there's anything wrong with Clay Aiken being gay. His music is another story, but I won't get into that right now. But what in the Sam Hell is wrong with these people who Twitter "Just flossed...ahhhh it's nice to have clean teeth." Or "Just picked my thong out of my crack. Heaven!" Or regular updates about every single thing that their kid does. "Junior just spit up. Shots of it will be on Flicker later."
Are they so fucking lame that they need typed approval, feedback and Twittered hand holding every time they bust a move? Are they so insecure that they need 40 sycophants typing "YUMMMMM" when they type what they just ate or drank? Jesus!
*cough* Sorry, you hit a nerve.
I hope you've shared your feelings on Twitter users with Mrs Bison. ;-)
Jaggy - yeah, I know, that one hit close to home. She actually agrees with me, which means I'll have to give her extra shit if I catch her posting anything really trivial!
Anonymous - just what was Clay Aiken doing with the Brie? Please, no...
Brilliant...well done.
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