Crap No-one Needs, #18
The Horse Fucker
Ever had one of those days where you wonder whether your life just reached rock bottom? Well here's a guy who can help redefine "rock bottom" and recalibrate your life for you.
The story HERE concerns a bloke who has just been arrested for the second time in South Carolina for shagging a horse. Not only is he a horse fucker, but he was caught having sex with the same horse he fucked last year. Here's a wild idea: there are a lot of horses out there, so why not change it up a bit and try a different one? Or maybe one whose owner isn't already sensitized to the fact that some freak weirdo wants to play backdoor jockey with her animal?
There are so many levels on which this is fucked up, but perhaps the most telling is that the woman was tipped off to the attack by the fact that her horse was "acting strange and getting infections again". Now that's bad. You fuck a horse and it's the horse that gets infected. How disgusting a diseased specimen must you be to pull that off?
If they ever want to make a juvenile education movie in South Carolina to encourage teenagers to eschew a life of crime and stay on the straight and narrow, they could do worse than to use this bloke. I would imagine the prospect of waking up every day for five years with this freak as your cellmate would be enough to scare you straight, wouldn't it?
"OK buddy, now bend over and whinny like a pony. Oh yeah!"
Ever had one of those days where you wonder whether your life just reached rock bottom? Well here's a guy who can help redefine "rock bottom" and recalibrate your life for you.
The story HERE concerns a bloke who has just been arrested for the second time in South Carolina for shagging a horse. Not only is he a horse fucker, but he was caught having sex with the same horse he fucked last year. Here's a wild idea: there are a lot of horses out there, so why not change it up a bit and try a different one? Or maybe one whose owner isn't already sensitized to the fact that some freak weirdo wants to play backdoor jockey with her animal?
There are so many levels on which this is fucked up, but perhaps the most telling is that the woman was tipped off to the attack by the fact that her horse was "acting strange and getting infections again". Now that's bad. You fuck a horse and it's the horse that gets infected. How disgusting a diseased specimen must you be to pull that off?
If they ever want to make a juvenile education movie in South Carolina to encourage teenagers to eschew a life of crime and stay on the straight and narrow, they could do worse than to use this bloke. I would imagine the prospect of waking up every day for five years with this freak as your cellmate would be enough to scare you straight, wouldn't it?
"OK buddy, now bend over and whinny like a pony. Oh yeah!"
posted by Mr Bison at
6:46 PM
4 Comments:
Horny bastard. He must be a democrat...
I applaud the poor guy. If he can really satisfy a horse (as opposed to a normal, dog-sized animal) I would like to extend him a laurel, and hearty handshake.
If I was his jail roomate, I'd get to work pronto on making the guy a monster size "fifi towel." Otherwise he'll be banging around your arse like a knife in the mayo jar...
You know, I get a lot out of this site. For instance, I had not heretofore encountered the fifi towel, either in name or concept, so the boundaries of my knowledge are constantly being expanded (although, it has to be said, in mostly unspeakable ways).
I would take issue with you on a couple of points though. Firstly, I would not show my respect to this bloke by shaking his hand, preferring instead a jaunty wave, preferably from the other side of a thick piece of Plexiglass. Secondly, I don't think it would be like a knife in the mayo jar - more like a pig in a cat-flap I would imagine, at least for the first few months...
Award Get your AWARD here!
Here's a question for you:
If Jack keeps falling off a horse, would you help jack off a horse
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