Bison Bits

For All The Good It Did...

2010-03-15T16:50:00.000-07:00

You remember the old joke about the bloke whose doctor gives him a course of suppositories but is too embarrassed to tell him how to use them, so he just says they should be taken per rectum. The patient comes back two weeks later and when the doctor asks if the drugs helped, he responds "They were useless - for all the good they did I might as well have shoved them up my arse."

Well, I saw a Daily Mail headline today stating that bananas may be the key to stopping the spread of AIDS. My first thought was "Bananas - the new AIDS prevention device for homos. Simply just insert one in your arse prior to sexual relations and it will significantly reduce your chances of contraction."

They work best if combined with a sugar cube, apparently. Just slip one into your bum chum's shoe, and it will make him limp...

Busted

2010-02-28T17:54:00.001-08:00

The Bison family was out for a walk in the sun today, at our local wildlife preserve, and we stopped at a convenient bench to watch fat people walk by. We could hear a group of men coming closer, and snatches of conversation carried towards us:

"When we were in England..."
"The food was terrible...{cue puking noises}..."
"It was awful weather..."
"That's why you find so many of them all over the world - they can't wait to get away from that dreadful little island."

As they strolled into view they greeted us with a cheery hello.

"Seems like someone don't like the English." I replied, in my very best Cockney Wanker accent.

"Oh no, we actually quite enjoyed it over there" they hastily back-pedaled. "Really. It was only the food. And the weather..."

Yeah, you pussies.

As they walked on down the hill we could clearly hear one of them mutter to another "Well, what were the odds of that..."

Busted.

Crap No-one Needs, #19

2010-02-07T13:54:00.000-08:00

Black History Month

The world has seen many great civilizations that our kids could study in school. There are the ancient Chinese, who built great ships and navigated the world. The Greeks developed systems of philosophical thought and introduced concepts of democracy. Great Mogul leaders brought unity to India. The Romans performed amazing feats of architecture, road building, irrigation and medicine. Western civilizations created magnificent cathedrals, and invented printing so that knowledge could be disseminated to the world. Egyptians built pyramids whose secrets are still being unraveled today. Sun worshippers in South America plotted the movements of the stars and created amazingly accurate astronomical calendars.

So why is it that the schools here find it necessary to have fucking black history month every fucking year. I have nothing against black people, but it's hard to imagine any civilization that has contributed less to world history and development. The only thing that gets talked about is slavery and civil rights, any discussion of which conveniently overlooks that blacks were sold into slavery by, er, other blacks. Oh, and we have to remember that our ancestors supposedly emerged in Africa, which is a convenient way for Africa to get a free ride on the achievements of every other society in spite of having contributed practically nothing of note as a continent itself.

Forget about learning from the great societies of the world - let's have an annual festival of American liberal white guilt instead.

Generic Vomit

2010-01-30T04:48:00.000-08:00

I had great intentions of doing a favor for a relative on my trip to China and India. You see, Mrs Bison's cousin's daughter (presumably one of those "second cousin once removed" type relatives, although I have no idea what the rules are for that stuff) has decided to collect airline vomit bags. No, don't ask me why. Suffice it to say that I was in a position to help out, and not just with economy class bags either - I was in first class going over to China, so maybe I'd get a really good sick bag. You know, extra thick, or larger, or something.

My first surprise was that I actually remembered to look for a sick bag to take home for her; normally I wouldn't think about it again until after I'd got back, so I was already way ahead of my usual game.

Unfortunately I discovered that, at least on the airlines I was flying, the bags were uniformly white and uninteresting. No airline logo or any distinguishing feature, which must make collecting them something of a challenge. Unless you become a real connoisseur of the paper quality, liner material and the little wire tie that keeps the carrots in once you're done.

I used to encourage Bison Daughter to collect hotel electronic door cards, which was good, because they come in many interesting designs, and also because they were about the only thing I could reliably be depended upon to bring home at the end of a trip. Maybe that's how my cousiny relative got started - perhaps her dad was headed back from a trip with nothing, and thought "You know what, I'll give her this vomit bag and tell her it's to get her collection started." Ten out of ten for creativity, but really - vomit bags?

What Did You Expect?

2010-01-17T06:38:00.000-08:00

Any time you eat out there's a finite possibility of ending up with a case of the shits - it's just not reasonable to expect that everyone who works in a restaurant washes their hands after wiping their arse, or that the ingredients didn't have green fur wiped off them when they were pulled out of the back of the refrigerator. We routinely take this chance, often putting our colons in the hands of the kind of people we'd cross the street to avoid if we actually met them, in return for the convenience of someone else making us food.

There are times, however, when the possibility of diarrhea becomes more of a probability. And yesterday, when I ordered the seafood chili it's fair to say that I accepted the near-certainty that it would exit me with extreme prejudice this morning.

And I was not disappointed. To be fair, it looked like diarrhea before I even began eating it - brown liquid with seafoody things floating in it. My poor digestive tract didn't stand a chance; I'm not sure it even made a dent in the chili. I could practically have counted out the shrimp one by one, had I been so inclined. It's not as though I didn't see it coming...

The Tate Gallery Beckons...

2009-11-09T11:15:00.000-08:00

You know you've got too much time on your hands when you end up doing this. I have a curved scar on one hand which Mrs Bison drew a face around, so that the scar became the mouth. She then offered me the opportunity to make something creative out of a burn that she has on one of her hands (the result of terminal clumsiness and the inability safely to withdraw a pie from the oven).

This is what I came up with. Unlike my spouse I'm no artist, but it's not a bad effort by my usual standards. I like to call it "Vindaloo - The Morning After".

Rush Job

2009-10-15T05:36:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to the coalition of vociferous race-baiters for getting Rush Limbaugh dropped from the group bidding for ownership of the St.Louis Rams football team. I'm sure it will warm the hearts of NFL owners and players that this man with his, um, opinions won't be in a position to damage the reputation of the league.

No, we wouldn't want an controversy behind the scenes to detract from the parade of animal torturers, drug abusers, drunk drivers, firearms criminals, wife beaters and violent offenders who don a uniform and actually get on TV every week, would we?

Just goes to show, you can be any kind of scum and the league will welcome you with open arms. The NFL Players Association will fight for your right to keep your big fat bonus and keep on playing, no matter what crime you committed. But for the crime of having conservative opinions there is apparently no forgiveness. Sure, black players would refuse to play for Rush Limbaugh, but they'll happily suit up beside an unrepentant drunk-driving killer. Hypocrisy anyone?

Well Blow Me

2009-10-09T08:12:00.000-07:00

So Obama makes a couple of speeches where he talks about improving relationships with the Muslim world and ridding the world of nuclear weapons, and suddenly he gets a Nobel Peace Prize. Are you shitting me? Don't you actually have to do something to win a prize?

It's good news for me though. I just told myself that I'm going to grow a twenty inch dick, and a tongue that can reach the back of my head, and as a consequence I fully expect to get the AVN award for Best Male Performer this year. That's the porn industry Oscar, in case you didn't know. Clearly it's not necessary that I actually star in a porn movie - I'll get the award just for imagining it, right?

Of course the AVN awards have a whole host of categories for male and female actors, including Best Oral Sex Scene. No kidding. Not that there's any point entering it this year - the award will surely go to the Nobel judges for their shameless cock-sucking of Obama.

Crap No-one Needs, #18

2009-07-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

The Horse Fucker

Ever had one of those days where you wonder whether your life just reached rock bottom? Well here's a guy who can help redefine "rock bottom" and recalibrate your life for you.

The story HERE concerns a bloke who has just been arrested for the second time in South Carolina for shagging a horse. Not only is he a horse fucker, but he was caught having sex with the same horse he fucked last year. Here's a wild idea: there are a lot of horses out there, so why not change it up a bit and try a different one? Or maybe one whose owner isn't already sensitized to the fact that some freak weirdo wants to play backdoor jockey with her animal?

There are so many levels on which this is fucked up, but perhaps the most telling is that the woman was tipped off to the attack by the fact that her horse was "acting strange and getting infections again". Now that's bad. You fuck a horse and it's the horse that gets infected. How disgusting a diseased specimen must you be to pull that off?

If they ever want to make a juvenile education movie in South Carolina to encourage teenagers to eschew a life of crime and stay on the straight and narrow, they could do worse than to use this bloke. I would imagine the prospect of waking up every day for five years with this freak as your cellmate would be enough to scare you straight, wouldn't it?

"OK buddy, now bend over and whinny like a pony. Oh yeah!"

Crap No-one Needs, #17

2009-07-12T06:39:00.000-07:00

Eyelash Lengthening Drugs

In another milestone on the downward slope of Western civilization, you can now have your doctor prescribe an FDA-approved medication to make your eyelashes longer. Never mind about all the other challenges facing medical science today, at least vacuous bitches with faces paralyzed from Botox will now be able to obtain life-enhancing lash improvement through a drug called Latisse - what a tribute to our medical establishment.

Not only is this a damning indictment of the FDA, who frankly should have told the manufacturers to fuck off at the mere suggestion that they license a drug for no better reason than to make eyelashes longer, but it speaks volumes about the abject vanity and pettiness of so many women. What kind of mindless cow would seriously consider drugs for cosmetic eyelash lengthening? At what point does your life become so shallow that this becomes a priority for you?

And don't give me that old bollocks about women being the victims of the expectations of men. The average man wouldn't notice if his wife or girlfriend had their hair completely restyled. There is no fucking way they're going to notice 25% longer eyelashes. Here's a hint ladies: if your bloke comes home and compliments you on your eyelashes, chances are he really wants to have sex with other men. Strange men aren't going to check out your eyelashes - they'll go tits-arse-legs-face in various orders, and that will be that.

No, this is all about what women expect of each other, and the mindless perpetuation of airbrushed unreality in endless women's magazines. This eyelash crap is supposed to cost $120 a month; if you have $1,500 a year to spend on your eyelashes then you have more money than sense. About $1,500 more money, to be exact.

Crap No-one Needs, #15

2009-05-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

Twitter

In the beginning was the Blog, and man looked on the Blog and thought "I bet everyone wants to know what I did today" and he saw that it was good. And lo! the multitudes did sign up for Blogger accounts and did fill manifold servers with their inane writings. But in time the masses did rend their clothes and wail unto the heavens, saying "I know not what to write today, I've run out of ideas!" and they did resort to posting photographs and YouTube videos in their shame.

Yet in the midst of their trial, deliverance was at hand. Twitter came from on high, promising that you needed less than 140 characters for a post, and suddenly the air was filled with utterly pointless drivel from people clearly laboring under the misapprehension that the world gave a flying fuck where they were about to eat lunch. And many worthless wankers with too much time on their hands were released from the drudgery of having to write actual paragraphs, and could now post a hundred times a day, and still say nothing.

Seriously, I don't care if your Twitter buddies are all your best mates and really care what you're doing in a way that strangers never could, it still doesn't excuse the kind of fucking crap I read this morning:

"I slept late today but now I need coffee and breakfast."

Really? Wow! Glad I didn't miss out on those pearls of wisdom. Just imagine if I'd had to live my whole life without knowing that. Are you going to take a big dump later as well? Maybe you can let us all in on the secret of how many sheets you used when wiping, or what color the wallpaper in your bog is?

One day, when the Emperor's New Clothes effect has subsided a little, people will look back at Twitter and wonder just what the fuck they were thinking...

Crap No-one Needs, #14

2009-04-14T18:04:00.000-07:00

The Presidential Dog

You'd never know that we were in the midst of the worst recession since the Great Depression, that General Motors was contemplating bankruptcy, or that pirates were terrorizing the high seas. No, today's big story was that the US President, Commander in Chief of the armed forces, the most powerful person in the free world, bought a fucking dog. Don't give me all that crap about "people being interested", in an attempt to justify why the US media was all fawning over the presidential kids and their new puppy - it's symptomatic of the craven deference they show to this most unqualified of presidents.

But don't imagine for a moment that El Presidente didn't finely calculate the spin value of this touching "family moment". It wasn't a spontaneous event which happened to be captured but a carefully stage-managed and manipulative attempt to show how "normal" Obastard is, so we can all forget how he's plunging us into debt, committing $86 billion to Iraq and Afghanistan that he vehemently opposed when Bush wanted to do it, and reneging on just about every campaign promise he made. So long as he can keep spoon-feeding the liberal media there's no chance they'll dig into his dirty secrets. We can stay in the dark about his illegal immigrant aunt, his lying alleged sex criminal half brother and his tax-avoiding cronies.

He got some minor criticism for not getting a rescue dog like he "promised", but there's a more fundamental question: with the media as his devoted lap-dog, why did he need a puppy at all?

Sheraton Shit

2009-03-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

And the award for Shittest Hotel Of The Week goes to .... the Sheraton! I checked out of the Sheraton at Brussels Airport yesterday, having done nothing but sleep, make two phone calls (using a free-phone number) and eat their crappy buffet breakfast. At check out I was presented with a bill which included two charges of 2.75 Euro each (nearly $4 each) for the two phone calls.

Leaving aside the fact that they don't make their habit of charging for using the phone for a free call obvious by, say, putting a sign on the phone, the fact that they charge at all is complete bullshit. When I'm paying the equivalent of $240 a night for a hotel room, I expect it to come with a few basics, like a TV, a shower, some shampoo and a working telephone. There's no cost for them if I make a free phone call, so why are they charging me? The argument I've heard in the past is that it covers the cost of maintaining the phone system, but they don't charge separately per viewing hour to maintain the TV system, and they don't charge you each time you flush the bog to cover the cost of the plumbing so this is obviously bollocks.

The dopey bitch at the checkout desk had the cheek to ask if I wanted to accept the donation on my bill to a charity that they had added. I refused and suggested they take the donation out of their bullshit thieving telephone charge instead. Fucking wankers.

Happy Birthday Darling

2009-03-02T18:54:00.000-08:00

Mrs Bison was out tonight, picking up Bison Daughter from her dance class, when she managed to get herself pulled over for speeding. She turned into a car park and the police car pulled up behind her. A woman police officer got out, which immediately struck her as bad news, since she figured she was much more likely to catch a break from a man. (I'm not sure how she worked this out - she's never been pulled over in her life up until now. Probably watched too many cop movies. Just as well it wasn't a male officer or she may have gone all "Cool Hand Luke car wash" on him.)

Anyway, she handed over her license and insurance, and after a minute the officer returned and told her she was getting a verbal warning. Mrs Bison thanked her, and told her that was the best birthday present she'd had. The officer said she hadn't noticed that it was her birthday, wished her a happy birthday and sent her on her way.

It's a good result, I know, but it doesn't say a lot about my birthday present buying skills does it?

Fix It First

2009-03-02T18:22:00.000-08:00

Hey, here's a novel idea. Instead of increasing taxes on the wealthy, why not just collect the tax that's already owed? Obastard doesn't seem to be able to swing a cat without hitting senior Democrats who haven't paid their taxes, and they all earn a shitload more than me. And these are the alleged intellectual "cream" - the people we're supposed to embrace as new cabinet members.

The problem with taxes is that they're all done on the honor system. People like me, who pay our taxes honestly so we can sleep easy at night, are subsidizing scum like this crowd (and Wesley Snipes) who seem to reason (apparently correctly) that the very worst that will happen if they cheat and get caught is that they'll be asked to pay up. Eventually. The IRS even does deals with tax cheats so they can pay less than what they owe.

How about bulking up IRS enforcement and making people pay the tax they already owe, before increasing taxes that will only be paid by those of us honest enough not to cheat? It shouldn't be hard to scrape up a few billion - just start with an audit of everyone who donated to the Obama campaign. Unfortunately "Increasing The Number Of Tax Inspectors" doesn't strike the same populist note as "Taxing The Rich", so don't hold your breath...

Whose Fucking Money Is It?

2009-03-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

What the fuck is wrong with politicians? Here we are in the middle of a fucking recession, with the US government running a giant deficit and adding to it with $800 billion in unfunded "stimulus" spending (AKA giveaways to losers), and what do I read today? Hilary fucking Clinton is going to give another $900 million of US taxpayers' money to the fucking Palestinians in Gaza.

Listen, bitch, it's not your money to give. If people want to pay for the fucking Palestinians to rebuild their country then by all means let them give their money, but who the fuck appointed you to give my money away to a bunch of fucking foreign wankers who repeatedly fire rockets at the bloody Israelis and then seem surprised when they get bombed in return. Fucking politicians can't stop themselves spreading around other people's money with the abandon of an incontinent dog spraying fire hydrants, even as more and more of the banking system seems poised to collapse.

Why not use the money to build some roads here, repair some of our bridges, or even, heaven forbid, reduce the fucking tax burden on those of us who earned the fucking money in the first place. You vacuous fucking bitch.

Go Easy On Us

2009-02-28T14:09:00.000-08:00

In a sign that stupidity is a global commodity this story from the UK is about the possible introduction of a US-style "mercy rule" in youth soccer. The game would apparently end if one team took a 9-0 lead over another, to spare the losers' self esteem, or something.

That's such bollocks on so many levels. For a start, when I used to play soccer as a kid I wanted to keep playing. I would have played all day if I could - even ninety minutes wasn't enough. I played because I enjoyed scoring goals (or saving them, on those occasions when I was stupid enough to play goalie), so why would I give up and go home if there was game time left and still a chance that we could score even once?

Those kids who never experience losing hard risk growing up to be whiny adults who can't handle it when bad shit happens. My over-30s team contains some players who basically give up if we get so far behind that we can't win. What's the deal with that? Grow a fucking spine and play hard. We might lose, but at our age what the fuck are we playing for anyway? It certainly ain't the World Cup.

Bass Lust

2009-02-19T19:14:00.000-08:00

There are some things in life which you can't look at without wanting to own one. The Rickenbacker bass has always been in this category for me, ever since I bought Motorhead's "No Sleep Til Hammersmith" live album and first heard Lemmy playing that thing like a rhythm guitar.

Yes, I own a bass guitar (Fender P) but for as well as I can play (i.e. not very) I can't bring myself to buy a Rickenbacker. At least not yet. It would be like buying an Aston Martin before passing your driving test. But one day, when I have time to play more regularly, and when I deserve one...

Tell me that guitar isn't a genuine thing of beauty!

Useless Obastard

2009-02-18T17:44:00.000-08:00

Maybe the great American public is starting to realize that they've been had. All that bullshit from Obastard about how he was going to end the war in Iraq, solve the credit crisis, single handedly save the economy and make everyone live happily ever after, and guess what? Nothing.

We have a so-called stimulus package which is really just a massive entitlements and pork program, a giveaway to all the special interests like ACORN who bankrolled Obastard's election. We have a raft of useless, tax-cheat dicks being appointed to key government posts. Obastard's senate replacement is a corrupt, lying fuckstain who should never have been seated. The automakers, who should be bankrupt, are being bailed out with more of our money, so they can pay off Obastard's contributors at the UAW with more gold-plated redundancies and free health-care while the rest of the nation struggles with real life.

And what's happened to the stock market in the face of this "historic, bold action". It dropped even further. It's about time the liberal media abandoned their sickly hero worship and started holding these wankers accountable for their lies, their wasteful spending of other people's money, their corruption and their incompetence, because you can bet your bollocks if it was Bush they'd be all over his arse by now.

New Fucking Piece of Shit

2009-02-14T16:24:00.000-08:00

Chia Shit

2008-12-22T05:30:00.001-08:00

Here's a Yuletide suggestion: if you've considered buying anyone a Chia pet this year, perhaps you should seriously consider euthanasia as a lifestyle choice. Maybe back thirty years ago the idea of growing organic green "hair" on a clay body was a novelty, but who's buying these things today?

They were actually advertising the things on network TV here last week, which was frankly amazing to me. Are there really enough people who can be persuaded to rush out and get a Chia head for their nephews and nieces so as to justify a TV ad campaign? Beer, cars, phone companies and boner pills I understand advertising, but Chia pets?

Pity the poor bastard who wakes up to one of those things on Christmas morning.

"What's in this box? Is it a phone? A Nintendo DS? An iPod?" Cue rustling of paper.

"What the fuck is this? Terrific. No need to head out to that New Year's party next week now - I can stay here and have just as much fun spreading seeds on this bastard."

Spare Some Change

2008-12-20T20:11:00.000-08:00

It's time to plan the Christmas festivities. This year's plan involves food, drink and no further planning. There's no travel required and hopefully a minimum of stress. When Mrs Bison was still a girl, her mother, faced with a relaxing Christmas at home, apparently used to talk about finding a tramp and bringing him home for Christmas dinner, a suggestion met, unsurprisingly, with horror from her offspring. I don't know whether she ever seriously considered getting a tramp in, or whether it was just a guilt reaction to having a nice Christmas with good food in a warm home. Maybe she just missed the scent of urine around the house or something.

Yesterday, Mrs Bison was at a school party with Bison Daughter and this other mother asked what we were doing for Christmas. When she heard that we were going to be "alone" with "only one child" and "no family" she instantly invited us for Christmas dinner. Mrs Bison was not happy - in spite of the apparent good intentions she loathed being thought of as a charity case - we actually enjoy having Christmas at home, and it would be hard to imagine anything worse than having to be "on good behavior" at someone else's house, rather than relaxing unkempt with Cadbury's chocolate liqueur and Scotch while Bison Daughter savages Christmas presents at home.

I can only imagine the reaction at the other woman's house if we'd said "yes". We'd be like the tramp from Mrs Bison's childhood, except that we'd actually show up. Hopefully without the urine smell and masturbating in public, but probably no less unwelcome. Narrow escape...

Thistle Be Great

2008-12-15T17:43:00.000-08:00

Back last month Jaggy offered to send me some local delicacy from Scotland, after I sent him a bag of beer chips by airmail. I didn't take him up on the offer, partly because the ruinous cost of international food shipment is not something you'd wish on anyone, especially a mate, but mainly because delicacies from Scotland fall into two unsuitable categories. Firstly there are things that are excellent but perishable, and therefore not ideal for putting in a box, in a plane. Half the time things that are sent by airmail actually end up coming by sea, and a haggis that had traveled the world for six weeks would be a risky thing to tangle with. Then there are other things which are excellent and non-perishable, but are out of all proportion to a simple packet of potato chips. 16 year-old Lagavulin would be a case in point - it would be too much to ask for, even if I could trust the post office not to drink/break it. (Fat chance.) Plus, I can already buy it down the road here.

So I didn't think any more about it until today, when an unexpected gift arrived from the old country: Campbells All Butter Shortbread. I used to stay in a hotel in the UK that had these shortbread fingers in the room, along with the tea and coffee, and I was incapable of saving them, taking them home or otherwise not eating them on the spot. So to get a whole packet is a treat indeed. Since Mrs Bison got the mail today, I won't have any choice but to share them this time, but I suppose that's only fair. Without her, Jaggy's beer chips would still be sitting in a cupboard, waiting for me to get my arse down to the post office...

Hard To Draw

2008-11-28T18:35:00.000-08:00

It's the day after Thanksgiving, and in celebration of this important American festival we decided not to go anywhere near the shops, thus avoiding being trampled to death in a Walmart by hysterical bargain-hunting scum. There being nothing to watch on TV either we broke down and acceded to Bison Daughter's wish to play Pictionary. Normally family board games would rank somwehere below involuntary colonoscopy on the list of fun ways I'd like to spend my evening, but I decided to bring a bit of Norman Rockwell traditional family living to my Thanksgiving.

So anyway, Bison Daughter gets a card out of the box and looks at it quizically.

"This word has two meanings and I don't know which one it's supposed to be."
"It doesn't matter if it's the same word," I reply "just draw whichever one you want."

So she draws a piece of paper with writing on it and highlights the end of the sentence. I'm guessing "full stop" since I occasionally still speak English the way nature intended, but Mrs Bison correctly guesses the American equivalent, "period".

Then I'm thinking "Jesus, I'm glad she didn't choose to draw the other meaning..."

The Pendulum Swings

2008-11-19T18:19:00.000-08:00

Did you notice how no-one is talking about "high gas prices" anymore? I paid $1.69 a gallon today and filled up my monstrous V8 engined truck for less than $30. On the way out I laughed at a Prius driver as he crawled along in his ugly scarab-like transportation with its inbuilt "scrap it when the battery dies" obsolescence. Yeah, not so smug now are we, green boy?

You can't get a balanced opinion from the media anymore - everything is a "disaster" or "unprecedented", and requires "urgent government action". The truth is that life goes in cycles - gas gets expensive and then it gets cheap. Houses get overpriced and then they get underpriced. Banks lend to everyone with a pulse and then lend to no-one at all. Voters elect liberal cockmunchers, then remember why they shouldn't and go on to elect Republicans. Even the weather was supposed to be "cold, with highs in the 40's all week", just because it was cold on Sunday and they couldn't seem to imagine it ever getting warm again. It was back up to 60F the next day.

Maybe it's time to buy a nice big SUV and start preparing for global cooling.