Fat People in Wal Mart
I heard a local radio DJ the other week explaining that one of the best places to meet women was at Target in the morning (about 10am, I think he said). Apparently you can find a full range of women there - all colors, ages and sizes - just waiting for men to show up and attract them into bed. Now, I would very much like to say that I put his theory to the test, but we married men have limited opportunity for illicit couplings with strange Target women, even if we were to be so inclined. It's not as though I could invite one back home (hi honey - don't mind us - we'll be done in a few minutes) and, anyway, I happen to be working during the peak Target sex hours so the theory remains unproven, at least to me.
However I was reminded of this today when I was in Wal Mart (accompanied by wife) in search of some domestic item. I know, I shouldn't have gone, but it was the sort of "Made in China" item that's generally cheap there so we gritted our teeth and went in. Now, I know I'm going to offend some people here, but I couldn't help noticing how many fat fuckers there are in Wal Mart. They are everyhwhere! And huge! You could barely get down the aisle without bouncing off one, and they roam in family groups. You can see the genes for low IQ and high girth concentrating in the Wal Mart customer base as they waddled around the store with their vacant expressions. Now, I could be describing a typical midwestern stereotype so it's important to note that when I walked into Target a few minutes later, there were no fat bastards and you could practically hear peoples' brains working faster. What is it about Wal Mart that attracts the thick and the obese? If you've ever seen that scene in a zombie movie where they all congragate around a building because they know that there's a living person inside you'll understand what it looks like. Except that in place of the undead hunting the living, you have the brain-dead hunting everyday low prices for video games.
But anyway, back to the DJ. It occurred to me to wonder what would happen if you went looking for sex in Wal Mart. I mean, I'm sure you could harpoon a magnificent specimen there if you were measuring success by the pound, but it would be much harder to sneak her past the wife, and you'd definitely be swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool. Maybe that's the answer - Wal Mart is really a massive meeting spot for the lardy and cerebrally challenged, a dating Mecca for trailer denizens. It would certainly explain the in-breeding.
Anyway, I'm off to watch Dawn of the Dead, a movie that I expect to find oddly familiar. Welcome to Wal Mart - here's your everyday low price shag!
Copyright 2006 Edward Bison
However I was reminded of this today when I was in Wal Mart (accompanied by wife) in search of some domestic item. I know, I shouldn't have gone, but it was the sort of "Made in China" item that's generally cheap there so we gritted our teeth and went in. Now, I know I'm going to offend some people here, but I couldn't help noticing how many fat fuckers there are in Wal Mart. They are everyhwhere! And huge! You could barely get down the aisle without bouncing off one, and they roam in family groups. You can see the genes for low IQ and high girth concentrating in the Wal Mart customer base as they waddled around the store with their vacant expressions. Now, I could be describing a typical midwestern stereotype so it's important to note that when I walked into Target a few minutes later, there were no fat bastards and you could practically hear peoples' brains working faster. What is it about Wal Mart that attracts the thick and the obese? If you've ever seen that scene in a zombie movie where they all congragate around a building because they know that there's a living person inside you'll understand what it looks like. Except that in place of the undead hunting the living, you have the brain-dead hunting everyday low prices for video games.
But anyway, back to the DJ. It occurred to me to wonder what would happen if you went looking for sex in Wal Mart. I mean, I'm sure you could harpoon a magnificent specimen there if you were measuring success by the pound, but it would be much harder to sneak her past the wife, and you'd definitely be swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool. Maybe that's the answer - Wal Mart is really a massive meeting spot for the lardy and cerebrally challenged, a dating Mecca for trailer denizens. It would certainly explain the in-breeding.
Anyway, I'm off to watch Dawn of the Dead, a movie that I expect to find oddly familiar. Welcome to Wal Mart - here's your everyday low price shag!
Copyright 2006 Edward Bison
Labels: People
posted by Mr Bison at
1:17 PM
